


Learning to Feel

by lissaann



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Het, birthday fic, spoiler: 4x16 "On The Head of a Pin"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-08
Updated: 2009-04-08
Packaged: 2019-02-01 22:12:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lissaann/pseuds/lissaann
Summary: Written forlittlestcloudsafter one of the pairings she listed was Castiel/Anna. I don't know about this story. I think I might have gotten the voices right, but to be perfectly honest, I had trouble writing the sex. Probably the lamest sex I've ever written. How do you explain two angels going at it when one's essentially a virgin? Yeah, at any rate.





	Learning to Feel

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](https://littlestclouds.livejournal.com/profile)[littlestclouds](https://littlestclouds.livejournal.com/) after one of the pairings she listed was Castiel/Anna. I don't know about this story. I think I might have gotten the voices right, but to be perfectly honest, I had trouble writing the sex. Probably the lamest sex I've ever written. How do you explain two angels going at it when one's essentially a virgin? Yeah, at any rate.

**Spoilers:** None, really. Set after 4x16 - "On The Head of a Pin"  
**Disclaimer:** Castiel and Anna aren't real, right? Then neither is this story. This was written solely for entertainment purposes. Kripke and the CW own all, including my heart.  


_My superiors have begun to question my sympathies…they feel I've begun to express emotions, doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment,_ Castiel tells Dean.

 _I'm considering disobedience,_ he tells Anna. _For the first time, I feel…I don't know what to do, please tell me what to do._ Anna tells him he needs to think for himself and vanishes.

=====

It's late at night when Dean discharges himself from the hospital to go back to the motel. Castiel tries to talk him out of it, but now it's like Dean can't – or won't – hear him anymore.

Although he doesn't need it, Castiel takes the room next door to theirs. He doesn't want to intrude on their private time, but he needs to stay close to them. It turns out, his superiors were right after all. In spending time with Dean and the brief interludes with Anna, he _has_ begun to feel, and it's one of the most disturbing sensations he's ever had to deal with. How is it that humans live with these… _feelings_? And Anna told him that it gets worse. How much worse?

He tries to settle down and figure out just what feelings he is having, feelings he can't find the words for. He's got no frame of reference for this. He's seen Dean angry, sad; he has seen Dean smile but has no idea what puts those emotions on his face.

He protects Dean. That's what his job is, but that's not a feeling. As much as Dean argues with him, he _likes_ having Dean around. Dean is part of why he feels doubt, part of why he's so confused at this moment. For as much as he had to push him today, Castiel doesn't want Dean to feel pain or heartbreak.

As he's contemplating all these new thoughts, a quiet whoosh of air, a flickering light, and Anna is standing there in front of him. As if she could still read his mind, she says, "Trying to figure out what all this means?"

Castiel nods quietly. "I don't understand. I don't know what a feeling is and what is just… _me_."

Anna sits on the chair across from the bed where he sits. "It's confusing. Definitely. You're on the crash course here, I had years to learn what feeling is all about. That doesn't make it any easier, however."

"What do you feel towards Dean?"

Anna paused and looked at Castiel. "I don't know, exactly. I feel attracted to him. I feel like protecting him."

"Even after he betrayed you?"

She nods her head. "I know why he did it; why he had to do it."

"Then forgiveness?"

"Yes, I told him I forgave him."

"Why would you do such a thing?"

"Because he's human. He has faults, like every other human. And his feelings for his brother are stronger than his feelings for me. I understood that; from the moment we met, I could feel that from him."

Castiel nods. "They have a very close bond. Closer than most brothers. Even with Dean being unsure of his brother's…gifts."

"So you can see why he chose to give me up to you instead of his brother. Dean has one weakness greater than any other, and that is Sam."

Castiel thought for a moment, not quite sure how he wanted to phrase the question he wanted to ask Anna. "Why would you want to have sex with him?"

Anna blushed a little. "As I said, I feel attracted towards him. I wanted to feel intimacy and pleasure. Sex is a very…forgive the word…spiritual. It's bringing two hearts and two bodies together, intertwined."

"Do you think an angel can feel intimacy and pleasure in that way?"

"Would you like to find out?"

"What are you proposing?"

Anna got off the chair and knelt in front of Castiel. She raised her hand softly to his cheek, stroking it gently. They made eye contact, then Anna kissed him softly. "Would you like to find out?"

He sat speechless, trying to grasp what Anna was offering to him. "Why would you do this?"

"I've been able to experience what it's like. I'd like to be able to show you what it's like."

"This is not right."

"How do you judge that this is not right?"

"It is against God's law."

She kissed him again, a little deeper. "Pleasure is not wrong. Intimacy is key to relating to humans. If you can feel, this is one of the deepest sensations you will ever feel. It is your decision. I offer it to you freely."

"I don't know what to do." He blushed. "I don't know where to begin."

Anna smiled quietly. "I'll show you." She pulled him up to standing and began to undress him, making quick work of his clothes. When she was finished with him, she began to strip. Castiel watched and realized he was feeling something that was completely new to him – desire. He became aware that his body was reacting to Anna's nudity.

She brought him over to the bed and he lay down. She straddled him, feeling him hard underneath her. She began to kiss him, just lips on lips at first, then coaxing her tongue along his lower lip. He held her tightly and began to understand the kiss. He opened his mouth and felt the slick muscle slide over his own. She moved her mouth along his jaw and down his neck, and it was at the first whimper of pleasure that she smiled. "That's it. Just let the sensations take over."

At first he was uncertain about what she was doing, not trusting himself and not knowing how to respond. He was amazed when he heard the first sounds of pleasure from his mouth; he was unable to stop himself.

She slid her body down off his pelvis onto his thighs as she continued to kiss and explore the body of Castiel's vessel. She knew that his vessel was most likely not a virgin, but that he was. She remembered when she had lost her virginity and she vowed to make this as pleasurable as possible. As she learned all the planes and angles of his body, she began to stroke him. He canted his hips upwards at the sensation and let out a soft moan. "How does that feel?"

He had no words to describe what he was feeling. "Incredible" was the only word that came to mind. If this was what pleasure felt like, then he had really been missing out.

She slid her body back upwards. "Don't be frightened, Castiel. I'm sure you know the mechanics of sex. Just let yourself feel." She positioned herself above him and sank down slowly onto him. He instinctively put his hands on her hips as she began to move. As she began to move faster, his body became in synch with hers, his thrusts bucking up into her. She raised his hands from her hips to her breasts. He fondled them, pinching at her nipples which caused her to cry out. He sped up his thrusts, now moaning as he felt her heat around him. She pulled one hand away from her breasts and moved it down in between their bodies. She placed his fingers on her and showed him how to stroke her to bring her to her orgasm. He learned quickly and with short and quick movements, he brought her to her climax, Anna calling out his name and clenching around him.

Castiel felt an indescribable feeling pooling at the base of his spine. Without warning, he felt a warm wetness, different from Anna around him. He groaned in pleasure and Anna fell down on top of him, kissing him frantically. She raised her hips up and rolled over onto her side. "Was that…what was that?"

Anna grinned. "An orgasm."

"I've never experienced something so intense." He looked up at the ceiling. "That was pleasure?"

She nodded. "Now tell me, how could that be wrong?"

"We are not supposed to feel anything."

"And yet, now you do."

"Have I fallen?"

"No, not yet. But the fact that you're beginning to feel means you're thinking about it. Don't ignore it."

"Now what?"

"That is up to you. I still can't help you make this decision. It must be your decision, and yours alone." As she spoke, she dressed.

"Can I continue to come to you, for advice when needed?"

"What about your orders to kill me?"

"I have not done so yet. The order came from Uriel. It is no longer my position."

She smiled. "Then yes, you may call on me when you need to."

"I need help to understand all of this."

"Of course. And I will help, as much as I can."

Castiel looked at her. "Thank you."

She nodded. "You're welcome." And with that, another quiet swoosh of wings and Anna was gone.

Castiel dressed and disappeared as well. Dean would let him know if he was needed. He had much to process, and he needed to do so alone.


End file.
